final installation
When asked what it feels like to be transgender, I came up with the analogy, "It's like aliens have kidnapped you in your sleep and now you're forced to fly their UFO yet you've only ever driven a car. So you eventually learn how to get it going and make a few changes to make the driving more comfortable, but it's not a car and you're just waiting until you can drive your car again." I wanted to make a visual representation of this that.
From the use of irony in the piece with the use of feminine colours that were originally masculine and how cisgender people in the audience say they can understand exactly what it means, to the shadow of the bust casting onto the background, showing the extra space we as transgender people take up compared to cisgender people, we are not just people, but a political conversation, a controversial opinion. Everything in this piece has a little element of how it feels to be me
What i learned:
This project is one that meant a lot to me. I worked very hard and it had a lot of personal meaning. I was very proud of what I learnt through it also. I learnt how to mix audio really well, improved my animation/visual skills, and learned a lot about TouchDesigner.
My animation skills in after effects have drastically improved from this installation. I some of the main things I learned about were effects, masking, using of code in the software, and gradients. By mixing different effects you can make something look blurry light, to a group of solid dots liquefy into each other. How playing with the position of a mask, you can create an effect of things opening up or moving around. As well as playing with these basic elements, I found by adding a little bit of CSS to them can create an even more elevated experience. Lastly the gradients and the many ways you can go about creating them to make the effect you want. For me it was very important to include colour
With Touch Designer, I learned to set up the settings to map out the projected object using a Katan mapper, use the right chops to send the video out and make sure it's all fitting correctly, and how to link the videos to more than one projector. I also learned how to make the audio reactive for the background. by using math, samples, etc. I could focus the software on the Shhh sound is she, and the HHHH sound in he and have them move the stars in the MP4 background forward and backwards depending on the sound.
Creative Research:
I wanted to talk about the two worlds you have to face as a transgender person and how our bodies can feel like our brain has been abducted and placed in an alien ship.
I researched some imagery that had already been made. The images to the right are some of the ones I liked the best. I really liked the one with the man whose face is painted. I could imagine this being done with projection mapping or mixing the paint and projection mapping. However, I knew projection mapping into someone's face would be dangerous for their eyes and started to think about doing something similar with another part of the body
I started thinking about the different feelings around being transgender. Anxiety, anger, as well as empowerment and comfort. We take pride in what we can't change because we have to.
After some feedback from Olivier on my initial idea, he suggested that I should try and find a way to show how it feels a bit more. I know I had audios to get the point across better but the feeling of being trapped and confused, and just making it work wasn't coming across. So while I thought about this, about how it feels to be transgender I came up with this analogy.
"It's like being abducted by aliens who then put us in the driver seat of their UFO and make us drive it. We have no idea what we're doing, it's uncomfortable and 'completely alien to us. We learn how to drive the ship, making adjustments to it so we can feel more at home but we never get used to the UFO and just wish we were home"
I thought this would create some really cool visuals and elements to express how it feels to be like me. I started to do some research into audio-visual art about spaces and found these really cool examples and took some inspiration from it
experimentation Process:
Visuals:
I started by creating a LoFi animation of what I wanted to create to see how it would look. I included "feminine" colours as the main colours as to represent the female presenting model I was projecting onto. I then used a dark blue with a gradient to create the bubbles and eventually the opening as it is a "masculine" colour and the gradient created a sense of depth unlike the feminine which were the top layer.
I then put the video into TouchDesigner and mapped out the shape of the model. The video to the right is how it appeared after the mapping was completed.
I didn't really like how the whole appeared or the colour I used for the internal portal. After reflection, I thought that the portal should open more like cracking through than the bubbles floating in. Also, I felt like the dark blue in the opening doesn't project very well so I should use a brighter blue colour. Lastly, I thought I need to include something like the man trapped and crying but maybe not that specifically asked for feedback and advice on these things.
After speaking with Olivier he agreed with the points I made. He thought more depth in the blob and possibly changing its position would work better. He also thought to think about the background and how it would implement the analogy more
I do like the concept of projecting onto a female body model. I feel it portrays the message well.
I changed the colours to be darker
I played around with trying to build a cracking effect with masking in after effects but found it didn't work that well. I also couldn't get that sense of depth with shapes so I took a stock image of a white room, added some effects to it so it would look blue and contrast well, and decided to put the person in that.
This is what the final body video turned out like
I then found this copyright-free video online that I really liked and thought would work really well with the colours I was using in the body video. I also thought the stars and particles in the video would allow for really good reactivity to the audio when I put it into touch designer
From doing this MidFi version of the visuals I came to a few conclusions:
I realised I actually prefer the colours I used in the LoFi version of this. I think I need to come up with a middle ground, have the contrast fo the colours but have them project well also.
I liked how it was looking and the way the transition worked but I want to make it look more organic in my next iteration
I want to use touch designer to make the background reactive to the audio playing
Feedback from Alec:
Agreed with all the changes I was thinking of, loved the box, and make the person fit the box so the banging makes sense
Feedback from Isiah:
Make it far more personal, make sure what it feels like to you is super clear
Feedback from Thomas:
Don't have the audio play/react live out of TouchDesigner. Make it in TouchDesigner (audio reacting to background) then render it out, and put it back in so that you're playing an MP4 instead of an MP4, audio, and effects. It will run smoother and better on the day.
I made the adjustments to the body video and came up with this
Audio:
I knew I wanted to include pronouns being repeated over and over again
After experimenting with the visuals and coming up with the analogy that being transgender, to me, feels like you were abducted by aliens and forced to fly their ship I wanted to incorporate sounds that would help immerse you in that idea. I also wanted the audio to make the audio enhance the visuals I had created while also clarifying the meaning of the piece.
I had two layers when it came to the pronoun audios, one with no effects, and one that was offset to the first layer and had an echo effect on it. I did this to emphasise the words at certain points and make a sense of a fight between them also.
Here is the first draft of the audio I made. I asked some classmates for feedback on it and here is what they said
Christina:
She thought it sounded really cool but didn't understand the audio without the visuals. She then said it made sense but needed the visuals. She recommended I add "His" and "Her" to give it more clarity
Reactive Background:
I followed a few tutorials on youtube to achieve what I wanted from the background visuals. The first thing I had to do was emphasise the voices in the audio
Math was the CHOP I found most useful when trying to emphasise the vocals in the detection. By multiplying the sharp sound in she and the low sound in he, I made them more detectable in the trigger CHOP. I also used trim to cut down the range in the of sharp and lowness of the audio to create more exact triggers for what I wanted
I also didn't like how static the background became when I made it reactive so I imported a second moviein CHOP with another background video with no reactivity and added both to a comp CHOP (reactive background on top, non-reactive below) I then added a "add" filter to the comp and rotated the non-reactive background slightly to create a composition I really liked that stayed continuous but reactive.
I couldn't get the background to export so I had to ask my coursemates for help. Of course, the first thing I retried at his suggestion worked—the beauties of someone else doing it.
As you can see above I tested all the elements together before the expo and this is how to come about. I was very happy with it.
Atmosphere:
While in Visual Performance class Jelke made the point that atmosphere can be very important. I wanted to include this element in this installation as I felt it was really important as I wanted to create not only an emotional reaction but a physical one too. I wanted this because being transgender is about the emotional and the physical.
Making the area super cold so you are more aware of your body. I used a fan on the roof, blowing cold air down on top of you while in the installation to make the audience very aware of their body. The drastic change in body temperature will make the person very aware of their body, similar to how I and other trans people are with our bodies constantly.
